Matthew Speiser

My freshmen year of college I took a class on the psychology of place. I have no idea why I took this class. And I don’t remember much of anything I learned in it. Except for one concept: placelessness. Placelessness describes environments that lack a distinct identity. They’re interchangeable. Repetitive. Vaugely depressing. In fact, my professor said people who live in placeless areas are at increased risk of depression. I thought about placelessness this past Sunday at 5PM. I was shopping at Marshall’s. But I didn’t need anything. I guess I was just making sure that I didn’t need anything. Somehow, I left with a six-pack of socks. The parking lot was huge. Row after row of automobiles. But no people. Where are all the people? Shopping in Marshall’s? Shopping at Dick’s Sporting Goods? Eating at Applebee’s? It took me six turns to exit the parking lot. On my way out I saw Home Depot, PetSmart, and Bank of America. Then I pulled onto the two lane highway and passed another shopping mall (Best Buy, Michael’s, and Chipotle) and another (Target, Chili’s) before I arrived at my shopping mall: a Planet Fitness next to the vacated storefront of what was once a Party City (and is re-opening as a Five Below). I exercised while looking across the highway at Wendy’s. The drive thru line was so long it threatened to spill out of the parking lot. It was 8PM. I left Planet Fitness to drive to Just Salad. I couldn’t turn left out of the parking lot because of the concrete divider in the two lane highway. So I drove the wrong direction until I could turn into the Best Buy / Michael’s / Chipotle parking lot and turn around. The Just Salad sat alone in the far corner of a parking lot looking across at the German grocery chain ALDI and a Men’s Warehouse. There was a little rock landscape island in the middle of the parking lot where someone had planted trees. All the trees were dead. The Just Salad was closed. Which is odd for 12PM. I took a lap around the plaza: Bubbakoo’s Burrito’s and Panera Bread. I entered Panera and ordered a panini from the self-service kiosk. I held my phone to the screen to pay. Minutes later, a panini materialized on the pickup counter. I left without saying a word. It took me five turns to leave the parking lot. I spotted my doppleganger staring at me from the plastic hedges. I hit a speed bump too fast and spilled my iced tea. Then I was in Nordstrom Rack. But I didn’t need anything. I guess I was just making sure I didn’t need anything. I found a six-pack of socks at a really great price. When I returned to the parking lot my car was gone. “Has anyone seen my car?” I yelled. But nobody heard me. Because it was 2AM. I walked along the two lane highway munching my panini. Hundreds of cars were lined up bumper to bumper. I tried waving at the drivers but their faces were covered by shadow. The grass was dead beneath my feet. I thought about how to get home. In one direction was HomeSense. In the other was HomeGoods. A single streetlight flickered above me. And suddenly I felt very cold. So I walked into Burlington Coat Factory and grabbed a down puffer. It was 3PM. My car was in the parking lot. But it was blocked by a plastic kiddie pool. There were two large men holding buckets of water. They belonged to the megachurch next to Costco. Which was next to the German grocery chain LIDL. Which was next to TJMaxx. Which was next to Just Salad. I asked the men if they could move their baptism so I could go home. They took me by the hand and guided me into the kiddie pool. As the water fell over me I closed my eyes. When I opened them I was back in Marshall’s. But I didn’t need anything. I guess I was just making sure that I didn’t need anything. I stepped outside into the pale morning light. The parking lot was empty. I got into my car to leave. But I never found the exit. Eventually, I forgot what I had come for. So I parked my car and went back inside.