Category: Creative Writing
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Why Trust the Alien Experts?
Hello, Spyzo here. A concerned citizen who thinks their voice should be heard regarding these pesky alien attacks. Now I know that the so called “alien experts” are urging everyone to hunker down in place. I realize they’re encouraging us to wear tinfoil hats so that the aliens can’t use their telepathy to find out…
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HHR
“HHR, how may I direct your call.” “What?” “What” “What is this.” **Deep Sigh** “This is HHR.” “I, uh, what’s HHR” “Health and Human Resources.” “Oh…uh, ok.” “No I’m kidding.” “What?” “This isn’t Health and Human Resources.” “Ok, then what is it.” “Where are you.” “Where am I?” “Is there an echo?” “No there’s no…
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The Man With The Purple Hands
“Why are your hands purple?” said the little girl. “I was born this way,” said the man. Her mother approached. “Why are you talking to my daughter,” she said. “She asked me a question,” said the man with the purple hands. The mother shot him a nasty look, took her daughter by the arm, and…
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Tyus At The Bat
Tyus stepped into the batter’s box. He knelt down, picked up some dirt, and clapped it between his batting gloves. He thought it meant good luck. The pitcher was a gangly bastard. 6’5 and milk white. Witz was his name. The scouting report said he could hit 100mph on the radar gun. The first pitch…
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Startup Job Description
Do you think culture eats strategy for breakfast? Do you like to “fail fast” and work “cross-functionally?” Do you enjoy meaningless business-speak like “futureproof,” “operationalize,” and “let’s drop a pin in this?” Well then, you might be exactly what we’re looking for at CreamYoyo. We make data analytics tools for companies that provide data analysis…
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Train Chair
Often I feel New York City is a very impersonal place. Other times I feel like New York City is one big tight knit community—especially when I am transporting furniture. Moving furniture is a common enough thing to do in New York, considering people are always moving in and out of apartments. Yet the sight…
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Safe Space
1. It had been months since the sun shined. Nathan walked along the crumbling highway with his son Samuel in tow. Samuel had a rope tied to his waist. The rope was attached to a shopping cart which contained all of Nathan and Samuel’s worldly possessions: some cans of food, a rifle and hundreds of…
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Special Interests Draft
[Monday Night Football Music] [Bob Costas] “Live from Radio City Music Hall, it’s the 2017 Special Interests Draft on ESPN.” [Camera pans across a crowded auditorium of old white men in suis. The camera then swoops up and comes to rest on an overhead balcony where four other white men are sitting behind a big…
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Board Game
In the Oval Office of the White House, a game is being played. The participants are Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin, Angela Merkel and Xi Jinping. They all sit on pillows in front of the Resolute Desk. On the floor in the middle of them is a board. The board features a colored twirly path that…
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Salad Bar
The salad bar stands apart from the shelves of veggies in the produce section. An approach from any direction would leave one exposed, out in the open. It is independent. Nonpartisan and freewheeling. An island. On one side of the salad bar are lettuce and tomato and cucumber and red onion and beets and celery…
Matthew Speiser 