Category: Creative Writing
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Fun Stand-ins for NYC Public Schools
New York City officials announced last week that the city’s 1.1 million public school students will spend only 1-3 days in NYC’s public schools this fall in an effort to keep occupancy down and maintain social distancing. In response, Manhattan Councilman Ben Kallos suggested using community centers, storefronts, private schools, and other venues vacated due…
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MasterCats Is Now Accepting Students For the Fall Semester
How are you spending your quarantine? Stuck inside? Nothing to do? Staring at your cat sunbathing on the carpet, wondering if they care you exist? Then we’ve got an exciting offer for you. MasterCats, the MasterClass knockoff operated by cats, is now accepting students for the fall semester. This is the only class where you’ll…
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O How I Miss the Office
O, how I miss the office. Those walls within which I ply my trade. Where colleagues coalesce to collaborate and commiserate. And working while sick is a sign of dedication. O how I miss my morning commute. Standing on the platform, sleep deprived, waiting for the 6 train. Turning up the volume on my podcast…
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Why Trust the Alien Experts?
Hello, Spyzo here. A concerned citizen who thinks their voice should be heard regarding these pesky alien attacks. Now I know that the so called “alien experts” are urging everyone to hunker down in place. I realize they’re encouraging us to wear tinfoil hats so that the aliens can’t use their telepathy to find out…
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HHR
“HHR, how may I direct your call.” “What?” “What” “What is this.” **Deep Sigh** “This is HHR.” “I, uh, what’s HHR” “Health and Human Resources.” “Oh…uh, ok.” “No I’m kidding.” “What?” “This isn’t Health and Human Resources.” “Ok, then what is it.” “Where are you.” “Where am I?” “Is there an echo?” “No there’s no…
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The Man With The Purple Hands
“Why are your hands purple?” said the little girl. “I was born this way,” said the man. Her mother approached. “Why are you talking to my daughter,” she said. “She asked me a question,” said the man with the purple hands. The mother shot him a nasty look, took her daughter by the arm, and…
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Tyus At The Bat
Tyus stepped into the batter’s box. He knelt down, picked up some dirt, and clapped it between his batting gloves. He thought it meant good luck. The pitcher was a gangly bastard. 6’5 and milk white. Witz was his name. The scouting report said he could hit 100mph on the radar gun. The first pitch…
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Startup Job Description
Do you think culture eats strategy for breakfast? Do you like to “fail fast” and work “cross-functionally?” Do you enjoy meaningless business-speak like “futureproof,” “operationalize,” and “let’s drop a pin in this?” Well then, you might be exactly what we’re looking for at CreamYoyo. We make data analytics tools for companies that provide data analysis…
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Train Chair
Often I feel New York City is a very impersonal place. Other times I feel like New York City is one big tight knit community—especially when I am transporting furniture. Moving furniture is a common enough thing to do in New York, considering people are always moving in and out of apartments. Yet the sight…
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Safe Space
1. It had been months since the sun shined. Nathan walked along the crumbling highway with his son Samuel in tow. Samuel had a rope tied to his waist. The rope was attached to a shopping cart which contained all of Nathan and Samuel’s worldly possessions: some cans of food, a rifle and hundreds of…
Matthew Speiser 